Tales of a Desperate Housewife

Well, here it is. My first blog. I have been contemplating the content of this for the past several months because I wanted my first to be a real show stopper. But, enough is enough. It's time for me to stop eavesdropping on everyone else's blogs and put that time to good use.

And just so there are no misconceptions about who I really am, I'll start off with the ugly side. That way you can say, "oh yes, I SO have it together. . . especially compared to HER." So, here we go. Yesterday we were headed to Cameron's basketball game. I was not particularly excited about going with the whole crew as the gym is set up in a very non-friendly Andrew & Ava way. We were running behind and the car was an enchanting chorus of four tired, VERY whiny children. The source of all this grumpiness was an old cell phone that each child wanted to play with at the exact same moment.

Enter crazy mother (or afore mentioned desperate housewife). "Stop whining NOW or I will THROW THIS PHONE OUT THE WINDOW!" Never mind we were traveling down the freeway at a brisk 75 miles per hour. This threat brought some blessed silence for about 2.5 seconds (which really can seem like a blissful eternity when you are in the thick of it) . . . and then, of course, it began again in earnest. I flipped around in my seat and snatched the phone, rolled down my window fully intending to make good on my threat. After all, I am a big believer in consistency.

Jim was sort of laughing a nervous laugh, saying "Don't throw it out the window. . . I've still got numbers on there. . . You've watched too many Office episodes." Which shook me out of my ranting rage for a moment to try to figure out what he was talking about. Oh yes I remember- Dwight and Michael stealing Jim's phone-which made me sort of start laughing and crying at the same time-the wind blowing through my hair. Yep, I had pretty much lost it. As I sat at home downing half a bottle of Martinelli's apple cider, I tried to decide how I came to this low point.

Could it be:

1. I've had to show our house twice this week (the second time was four hours after this little episode). The first time was the same day as family pictures, which leads me to. . .

2. Family pictures. Need I say more? Except that on the way to family pictures Andrew fell asleep in the car and became a little too relaxed. When we arrived to the location his pants and little suede shoes were all wet. What to do? What to do? It was either wet pants and shoes or unclothed from the waist down. I went for option one.

3. I have to come back to number one. Do you know how hard it is to keep a home entirely devoid of clutter for more than 30 seconds with four children, eight and under? Yes, I know some of you do and you can sympathize. It is on days like these house-showing-days that I do wish my children were fanatical TV/GameBoy enthusiasts. On most other days I love their little imaginative minds, but it can be so messy. Broken wooden skewers, paper plates cut in bits and pieces, paper cups and tape. Oh, the tape everywhere.

4. I have diagnosed myself as an over-anxious person. This is a real thing, so don't laugh. I was doing a little research on line because Ashlyn has become very obsessed with time. What time is it-every 1.5 minutes. How many more minutes until the first bell rings? until bedtime? until the second bell rings? etc. etc. Well, as I was researching I found that Ashlyn did not have many of the symptoms of an over-anxious person, but I, her over anxious mother, DID! Which probably explains why I would be researching that in the first place.

So there you have it. It's not a pretty picture, but at least you know exactly who you are dealing with.

And now, I am off to play Candyland (not the board game, we already did that this morning). . . The real candy LAND. Cam is Lord Licroice and Ashlyn is Princess Lolly, Andrew is Mr. Mint. I'm not sure who I will be . . . maybe Grandma Nutty.